How traveling alone from a young age fueled my independence

Accessibility: Antonia is leaning against a fence and smiling

at the camera. Behind her is a beach. Her pink-handled cane

is also resting against the fence next to her.

I feel like in this blog I have spoken about how anxious I get going to new places, how my cane makes me feel more secure and how going to new places alone is not fun. As I am siting on a train headed to the airport by myself, I realize that all these things don't mean I am not independent or that I don't enjoy my independence. In fact, I love my independence!

Growing up in a small town in rural Spain, I was able to walk anywhere I needed to go so, since a really young age, I didn't need rides to get to my destination. The thing was that the town was small and I knew it like the back of my hand. Most of its 6,000 inhabitants also knew me and had some idea of my vision impairment -even if they didn't understand what it meant.

For as long as I can remember (and this is still somewhat true today) my greatest fear was getting lost. If we went to another town or city I wasn't as familiar with, I had to have my parents or teachers within site, which for me basically meant holding hands with them. I had nightmares about getting lost the very first time I traveled to Barcelona with my parents. As a graduate student at the University of Florida, I had panic attacks not being able to find what I was looking for on those first days.

Hearing all of this, you would think I don't like going to new places or traveling alone. However, that couldn't be further from the truth! The very first time I took a plane by myself I must have been nine or ten years old and I was visiting my cousin. Sure, I was traveling as an unaccompanied minor and I had a flight attendant with me at all times and checking in on me during the 30 minute flight. Once I got to my destination, my aunt and uncle were waiting for me. However, I remember that feeling of independence and freedom. I remember thinking I could do anything, go anywhere and figure out how to arrive to new places all by myself. Ten-year-old me was still terrified of being lost, but that incredible feeling of freedom far outweighed my fear.

Soon, I became an avid traveler and eventually discovered that getting lost is only part of the adventure. Two weeks shy of my sixteenth birthday I packed my bags and moved to Norway without knowing anybody. I was very fortunate that I received a scholarship to finish 11th and 12th grades at a United World College, but I had no idea the rollercoaster that was awaiting. 15-year-old me, still terrified of being lost, thought she had her life together and that she could do anything. I yearned for that feeling of independence and accomplishment. So, I met this other Spanish girl headed to Norway in the Madrid airport and we both set to travel together. Because of my visual impairment, we had requested a travel assistance, which fell through so, here we were, on a layover in Paris, truly alone, trying to find our next flight. We made it to Norway unscathed and, again, that feeling of freedom and accomplishment felt so good.

I am incredibly grateful to my parents, who never let me use my visual impairment as an excuse to hold me back. Talking to them as an adult, and I don't want to put words in their mouth, they have shared some of the stress and anxiety of letting me go places by myself and giving me space so that I could figure things out. I am not a mother, but it must have been really difficult to allow their young daughter, who had a visual impairment, go out into the world by herself. I am sure it comes with an extra set of worries as a parent. However, it is because of how much they pushed me that I learned to value that freedom and independence and put it above my anxiety and fear.

I hadn't even associated my anxiety or fear of going to new places with my low vision until I was an adult and found out that other legally blind adults feel anxious when going to a new place as well. It makes perfect sense, I don't see where I am going! However, the fact that I hadn't connected the two is a credit to my parents and how little importance they put on my eye sight. Sure, it was something that we talked about and problem-solved together, but they never made it seem like an impossible obstacle in my life, hence I didn't either.

It is said that the only way you grow is when you are feeling uncomfortable. The fact that I was allowed to go to new places by myself and test my limits, experience different situations and sort things out on my own made me feel very independent from a very young age. I value my independence so much! I have lived in situations where I couldn't go where I wanted to go when I wanted to be there and I have to admit that, to me, that caused so much more stress than going to a new place by myself for the first time.

When living in those situations where I couldn't have my full independence due to poor public transit and lack of walkable streets, I had a strong support system of friends and family who would give me rides whenever they could and ensured I made it to my destination when I needed to be there. For that, I am incredibly grateful. That being said, I still felt like a burden and like I wasn't a full adult -not because I couldn't drive, but because I depended so much on others for things I knew I could do on my own if only the infrastructure was there. My independence was taken away, and I didn't like it.

A lot of people view not being able to drive as a disadvantage, and I agree that it is, but I know that if I am smart about it, it will not affect my independence. My blindness doesn't entitle me to rides from friends and family when I need them (even though I so appreciate it when they offer them). My blindness doesn't stop me from being completely independent either and, in my opinion, there is no better feeling than sorting things out for myself, especially when going to a new place.

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